Fray

Today at work we were asked to do a short little "art project" to learn about our clients doing art and how art therapy works, etc. Seemed simple enough.. fold the paper in half, on one side draw why you like working here, on the other side anything you want. Pick one type of "materials" to use and get going. I chose classic crayola markers, just because I figured if kids can use them, perhaps I've got a shot. Little did I know how much would come out in this ten minute marker drawing. I ended up using multiple colors in a pattern to draw a bit of a woven tapestry, which was actually a blanket- but on it's fringes it began to unravel. That blanket was placed on the top of a couch, under a window, with a soft and friendly lamp bringing light to the whole setting on the side of the couch. Of course when it was time to share our art with others, and everyone tried to guess what my piece was about.. no one could come close. You see, the fraying blanket represents my life. Although I believe God has postured me in his grace, and therefore a place of peace and tranquility- in the midst of that place I feel like my life is unraveling and coming apart. In the past few months I've been through so much internally that I don't know how to express externally. My entire identity of who and what I thought I was called to do has been challenged and re-evaluated. Friendships I thought meant something turned out to be not what I thought. The natural transitions of life leave me positioned that those who I care about most are physically relocating far away from me. Family relationships once in tact have not only strained, but are slowly disappearing. I've been challenged to risk love, allow my heart to experience feeling- the absolute hardest and scariest thing God's asked me to do in a very long time.... only to find out that love is not reciprocated. My first opportunity to belong in a household of stability and security was short lived... incredible, but no more. I always thought my life was one huge tapestry being woven together piece by piece.... but it's as if for whatever reason God is pulling the knitting needles out and realizing the past few rows need to be done again- because he is not just creating a blanket, He's creating His masterpiece. So although in the midst of tears and confusion- I'm so thankful for this peaceful place and position- in the secret place of his tabernacle he shall hide me. My God is always faithful, and He is always good.